2015
(the year I turn
40.
Good
God).
I’m on the train–
One of my
Favorite places to be.
The City of New Orleans,
20 hours between
New Orleans and
Chicago.
Gazing out this train window is
My kind of entertainment:
Scenery flowing steadily by,
The deep, damp greens and
Browns of
The south in winter.
The gray-day
Forests and fields and
Poor, small, rickety towns.
Looking out the train window
In the daylight,
It’s expansive thinking,
Thinking that quests over the
Landscapes and
Around these small-town buildings and
Between the scrub brushes like
Rippling water.
Who are the people
In those houses?
What are the stories of those
Old buildings?
Who’s poled along these bayous and
Tramped in these forests?
And I love the
Rock of the train.
To just lay on this
Sleeper car bed and
Let this almost-40-year-old body
Be rolled
Back and
Forth,
To settle and
Settle
Deeper into my oldening skin and bones
With every gentle
Tug of the tracks,
This Buddha-grinning head
Lolling on the pillow,
These yoga feet
Flexing in the luxury of having
The whole bottom double berth
To myself.
To think that
Americans disdain
Riding the train!
We,
Who think of ourselves as
Expanders and
Ramblers!
There’s nothing more
Large and
Outward-glowing than a
Day-lit view out a
Train window.
The transition to night:
It’s that dark, snowless,
Southern winter kind of night
When you blink at your phone,
Amazed it’s only
8:15.
Now the window is a
Black
Mirror
Flecked by passing lights outside.
Now it’s you and
Your reflection in the glass,
Your almost-40-year-old
Arms
Moving your stuff around the
Blue-lit cabin.
You and the reflection of the
Top of your head
Lit by the reading lamp,
Doming like a perfect
Half-moon,
Like it holds a
Momentary miracle.
I’ve ridden trains for years.
How many times have I
Encountered the
Black train-window mirror,
Reflections of the back-lit
Shadowy hints of
Myself at
14 years old,
21 years old,
23,
27,
European trains in my
Twenties and thirties.
A lot of
Confusion and grasping,
Tears and
Unsteady cockiness in those
Old black-glass mirrors.
Today in the black-glass mirror,
I feel like a
Stretching cat,
Self-satisfied to
Loll here on vacation after
Working
So
Hard,
To have a strong-jawed husband in the
Berth above me,
A cantaloupe-bellied toddler
Sleeping in the pack-n-play,
Three other children
Growing in their sleep in the
Cabin next door.
(These children don’t
Save you from yourself but
Slowly,
If you keep enough of
Yourself to
Yourself,
They teach you
Many lessons.
And they are so funny.
We
Laugh and laugh.)
Today the
Black-glass mirror isn’t about
Angst and
Confusion.
Today it’s about a
Wink into the
Black night
And a curiosity for
What will be revealed
When the
Morning light turns this
Glass from a
Mirror back into a
Window on this
Mad, lovely
World.