Memorial Day
With my mother,
If Memorial Day is for
Remembering
Those who are
No longer with us.
Then, she would’ve been the
Appropriate one.
If you think of a person as a
Sum of three parts,
As I do:
Mental,
Physical,
Spiritual,
Then at least
One-third of
My mother–
The part centered in her
Atrophied brain–
Is gone forever.
Dead.
So I should’ve gone over there.
Paid homage to the
Memory of her mind,
And helped my father maintain her
Body and
Spirit.
But I didn’t.
I spent Memorial Day with the
Vividly alive:
My husband,
Our children,
And friends.
Swimming,
And lounging around on plastic lawn chairs
In the sun,
The finally hot sun.
I typically make it a point to
Think of the dead
On Memorial Day:
All my grandparents,
An uncle who died at 10 years old,
An aunt and cousin killed in a car accident,
A cousin who drank himself to death.
Some of them I’ve never met.
But this year of all years,
With one of the
Dying
Still available,
I avoided her.
The crispy bones in her back and shoulders
When I pat her in greeting;
The jaw ticking
Ceaselessly back and forth;
The milky eyes watching my nose,
Then my hair,
Then looking past me as I
Talk and smile.
I never want to be there,
With her,
But I’m usually willing to go.
Yesterday,
I wasn’t even willing.
This Memorial Day,
I chose the living.